Me Too

Clients often look at me and say ‘it must be nice having good mental health’ and I ponder if I should let on that I also struggle at times.

I have a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and I struggle daily with hyper-vigilance. I am so jumpy. My husband says he is going to get bells put on his slippers or around his neck and I wonder if that would be a good idea. When I am startled, my fight flight kicks in, my heart races and I often feel sick. This feeling can last for hours and then I suddenly feel exhausted.

Although I know the theory around trauma, it’s still difficult to live with at times, especially when there are other things going on in my life. When there are days that black, I struggle to see the point in living. I won’t ever attempt to take my life again as I know I have so much to live for, but it doesn’t stop the thoughts from entering my head. I just have to wrestle with them. Some days it’s easier than others.

I often feel like the world or the universe is trying to tell me something, especially when I hear songs that speak to me or see quotes that resonate. For me, this song is speaking to me at the moment…

and the lyrics are:

Some days I feel I’d make a good sunset
Some days I just don’t wanna’ give up yet
Some days it’s hard to breathe
Some days I’m over being me
Some days, some days, some days

Some days I try my best to seem happy
Some days this place seems better off without me
Some days I’m overwhelmed
Some days I’m lost inside this hell
Some days, some days, some days

Some days I wonder what it’s like
To live an ordinary life
Maybe I won’t feel this way
Some day

Some days I feel like everyone hates me
Some days I question, “Why would God create me?”
Some days I’m holding strong
Some days I’m barely hanging on
Some days, some days, some days

Some days I wonder what it’s like
To live an ordinary life
Maybe I won’t feel this way
Some day

Some days I wonder what it’s like
To live an ordinary life
Maybe I won’t feel this way
Some day

Do you have days like this?

About Warrington-Counselling

Counselling in the North West UK
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